The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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