So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize