Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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