we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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