you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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