my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
