all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am available for nakedness
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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