I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
