Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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