We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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