i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
