omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
