i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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