Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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