margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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