I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
