In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
