i barfeds in our rink
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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