I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Come see our sink grown plant.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
