Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
