do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
