I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize