so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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