OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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