I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
