So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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