I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
