like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize