Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
