If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
