hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
