she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
