What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
