i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
