My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I look better un-naked...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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