I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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