I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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