Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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