I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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