trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
