when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
