Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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