if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
