Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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