we have pet lesbian snakes
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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