3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's always time for handjobs
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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