oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
