Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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