Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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