Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
