I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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