She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
