'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize