$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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