It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
