I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
