Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
