I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
