I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
