well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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