Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
