Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
