She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm getting married
To pizza
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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