girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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