Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
