so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Im part way to drunk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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