i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
