Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
