I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
