I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
