The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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