I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you win again, gameday.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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