i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
