Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
