I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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