I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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