I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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