Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We had sex on a dog bed..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
