We're like a lot better than the average bears
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
