i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
